Crazy, crazy, crazy.... So recently I am having some trouble, I'm sure it's diabetic related. Not good news. I am swelling....BAD! In 2 days I have gained 10 pounds. All water weight. Problem? I have a prescription for a water pill, but I ran out. Guess what...no refills. And I dont see Dr. C until Tuesday. Even had some trouble getting my insulin refilled this time, but Dr K pulled through for me. Only thing I dont understand is they gave me 4 bottles of each. One of them, I can take 2 bottles in a week! How is 4 bottles going to last me 30 days? On top of that, the insurance already filled the 4 bottles for a 30 day supply. There is no way they are going to fill another one before that 30 days is up! So once again, I'm screwed.
The dr's want me to get better, I want to get better....but it's hard when nothing is working. Trust me, I dont want to sit here feeling like a water balloon! My feet and legs hurt so badly. And I have so much to do and I'm not able to do as much as I want to due to the swelling. ARG!!!!! I'm too young to feel like I wanna give up. Satan is attacking me with a vengence! Sunday School class has been praying for me and I had to do some major praying this morning. I woke up with my right arm killing me. My hands have been getting so numb, it even hurts to drive (hands on the steering wheel). The ademia is getting bad in my legs. Red splotches are trailing their way up my legs. Dont think it would take too much more to get disability, but they wont even consider it without me taking narcotics. I dont want to take narcotics. I want to live, be awake, enjoy life....not sleep it away or be cranky and out of it! I dont know what to do anymore.
Dr says "lose some weight and that will help". Really????! How in the heck am I going to lose weight when I gain 10 pounds of water in 2 days?! I hurt so bad, I cant hardly move. On top of everything else, I have this pain in my breast. I had an exam and the dr didnt feel anything wrong. But it aches. Not a really painful hurt, but a dull hurt on the side of it. Lord, what else can I take? Sometimes, I just wish I could curl up and fade away. NO...dont think I would ever commit suicide. I am totally againgst that. I'm not actually saying I want to die or anything....just sorta fade. I know...what's the difference?? I dont know.
I feel like I losing this battle and I'm getting really weak to fight it. I'm not a weak person usually. Always have been strong. But this is really wearing on me and I dont know how much longer I can do this. It's been 8-9 years of this and has NEVER been under control. I'm tired....tired of hearing about it, tired of being the strong one, tired of the pain, tired of the meds, tired of trying....tired.
Bobby's 18th birthday and his graduation is coming up in just a few weeks. I'm trying to stay focused on that, for him. No one knows, not even my husband or family, about how I'm feeling about all of this. Like I said, I'm the strong one.
**Lord, please give me strength and endurance to handle what you have chosen me to endure. Pour out you love and kindness and heal this sickly body. Place your hand on my heart, my soul, my mind and take me within your arms of love. "Even in the hard times. Even when I feel pain. I made up my mind. I'm gonna praise Him anyways." Amen**
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Ummmm....really?
Ok...so it has been brought to my attention (thanks Dr. K) that I have not posted anything in awhile. Glad someone looks forward to reading this. So I guess this is where I'm suppose to update stuff. Well, you asked for it!
Last time I went to the doctor...actually to see Dr. K...I had lost about 2 pounds, I think it was. If you remember, Dr. C wanted me to lose 40 pounds by May! Dont know if I'm going to make that goal. But Monday I signed up the family to join the Y. Looking forward to losing some weight now. Today was our first day. I didn't do a whole lot, but I did a half mile on the treadmill, relaxed in the hottub for a little bit, then we went to the swimming pool for about an hour, playing keep away. The boys wore me out! That's a good thing though. I'm excited to find out they have message therapy! Can't wait for that one. Have always wanted a professional message, especially since the hubby won't do it! LOL
I started taking a new medicine. Not really sure how well it is working yet. I need to go buy some more test strips so I can monitor. Will have to get some more insulin in a couple of days too. Well, that is about all I have to update right now. Getting ready for Bobby's birthday and graduation! ARGGGGG Am I really that old?! Hmmmm...anyways!
Give more later!
Last time I went to the doctor...actually to see Dr. K...I had lost about 2 pounds, I think it was. If you remember, Dr. C wanted me to lose 40 pounds by May! Dont know if I'm going to make that goal. But Monday I signed up the family to join the Y. Looking forward to losing some weight now. Today was our first day. I didn't do a whole lot, but I did a half mile on the treadmill, relaxed in the hottub for a little bit, then we went to the swimming pool for about an hour, playing keep away. The boys wore me out! That's a good thing though. I'm excited to find out they have message therapy! Can't wait for that one. Have always wanted a professional message, especially since the hubby won't do it! LOL
I started taking a new medicine. Not really sure how well it is working yet. I need to go buy some more test strips so I can monitor. Will have to get some more insulin in a couple of days too. Well, that is about all I have to update right now. Getting ready for Bobby's birthday and graduation! ARGGGGG Am I really that old?! Hmmmm...anyways!
Give more later!
 |
| Me and my niece, Star in March 2011 (to show how fat I am) |
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Downerz
Wow...yesterday was great...til I went to the doctor. So let me tell you what sorta happened....as I saw it. So I get there, knowing I lied to my doctor. I say "lied" because I told him the next time he saw me, I would have lost some weight.Well, guess what! I gained a pound. So...LIE!!! So here is my life at the doctor's. I go to a "free" clinic so I get the joy of having a student doctor. I'm not complaining....ok complaining a little. But only because I have these doctor's for about a year or so and then they switch doctors on me and I have to retrain them! The nerve! Ok...so for now I have Dr. C (the student doctor), who works under the Resident Doctor....Dr. K (LOVE HIM!!!) Ok...so Dr. C is great too!
So just to give you a little update on what is going on. DUH...I'm diabetic! But that is not the only thing. I have this weird menstrual cycle thingy too. What's weird? Well, it's not really happening right now. Dr. C is trying to figure out why....but yesterday I got the "your sick and not getting better, and if you lose some weight it will fix most of your crap" speech from Dr. K. Talk about a downer! Actually it went more like, "your insulin is out of control, your numbers are too high, your liver is showing signs, you have an immune system more of a HIV patient, and I'm afraid you will end up in the hospital soon." That was the downer. So I have to get a grip. It's not going to be easy. I haven't said anything to the boys about it. Chris knows....only because he hounded me until I told him what was wrong. Can I say I'm scared?
So Pharmy K....you sure you really want to know what it's like in the Louise-head?! Might be kinda scary at times, just warning you! Don't worry....love you too!
Onto other news....Bri told us how things are going with her treatment. Since I haven't said before...Bri is Bobby's girlfriend. Ok...some don't know who these characters are. So the main people in my life are as follows:
Chris is hubby
Bobby is son
Shawn is nephew(or son...we have guardianship and he calls me mom)
Brianna is Bobby's girlfriend
Cary is my best friend
Caleb is Cary's son
Skylar is Cary's daughter
That's the main roles...I will mention others later
Anyways....Bri's has a rare cancer and she told us today that they have finished with the radiation. Good to hear....except she is having to do a more intense chemo treatment. May be times she has to stay at the hospital for awhile. I think she was afraid, mainly for Bobby's sake. She told me that she was afraid he couldnt handle it if something happened to her. I explained that we have already been thru this before with Caleb and that he is not like the typical high school boys. I raised him different and better than that. We assured her not to worry about it, but to let us know if she was put in the hospital so we knew where she was and could go see her. I really like her.
I volunteered to sing with another church at a function they are having this monday. Kinda scared to do it, but I know there will be others from our choir there so that makes it a little better. Kassi is going with me and a couple other altos might make it. Not much going more going on right now. Just trying to make it thru. Somehow gotta find a routine that will work. At least the high school bowling is over. That will save some of my days! Still doing alot of bowling on the weekends though. Bobby has a league Thursdays. Bobby and Shawn have league on Saturday, and Chris and Shawn have league on Sunday right after church. I guess I will figure it all out like I always do. I get to baby sit this weekend, my little Brookie! She is soooo cute!
Well, til next time!
So just to give you a little update on what is going on. DUH...I'm diabetic! But that is not the only thing. I have this weird menstrual cycle thingy too. What's weird? Well, it's not really happening right now. Dr. C is trying to figure out why....but yesterday I got the "your sick and not getting better, and if you lose some weight it will fix most of your crap" speech from Dr. K. Talk about a downer! Actually it went more like, "your insulin is out of control, your numbers are too high, your liver is showing signs, you have an immune system more of a HIV patient, and I'm afraid you will end up in the hospital soon." That was the downer. So I have to get a grip. It's not going to be easy. I haven't said anything to the boys about it. Chris knows....only because he hounded me until I told him what was wrong. Can I say I'm scared?
So Pharmy K....you sure you really want to know what it's like in the Louise-head?! Might be kinda scary at times, just warning you! Don't worry....love you too!
Onto other news....Bri told us how things are going with her treatment. Since I haven't said before...Bri is Bobby's girlfriend. Ok...some don't know who these characters are. So the main people in my life are as follows:
Chris is hubby
Bobby is son
Shawn is nephew(or son...we have guardianship and he calls me mom)
Brianna is Bobby's girlfriend
Cary is my best friend
Caleb is Cary's son
Skylar is Cary's daughter
That's the main roles...I will mention others later
Anyways....Bri's has a rare cancer and she told us today that they have finished with the radiation. Good to hear....except she is having to do a more intense chemo treatment. May be times she has to stay at the hospital for awhile. I think she was afraid, mainly for Bobby's sake. She told me that she was afraid he couldnt handle it if something happened to her. I explained that we have already been thru this before with Caleb and that he is not like the typical high school boys. I raised him different and better than that. We assured her not to worry about it, but to let us know if she was put in the hospital so we knew where she was and could go see her. I really like her.
I volunteered to sing with another church at a function they are having this monday. Kinda scared to do it, but I know there will be others from our choir there so that makes it a little better. Kassi is going with me and a couple other altos might make it. Not much going more going on right now. Just trying to make it thru. Somehow gotta find a routine that will work. At least the high school bowling is over. That will save some of my days! Still doing alot of bowling on the weekends though. Bobby has a league Thursdays. Bobby and Shawn have league on Saturday, and Chris and Shawn have league on Sunday right after church. I guess I will figure it all out like I always do. I get to baby sit this weekend, my little Brookie! She is soooo cute!
Well, til next time!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
UGGGGG.....SNOW!!!!!!
Ok...this is bad. Already fell of the wagon. Did good the first day, but then all that stupid snow came in. Stuck in the house and just felt yucky. Boys are doing ok and minding, but their simple presence is annoying me. Always on the computer or phone or wii. I have retreated to my bedroom with my tv. Makes for a depressive state. Now I find out I have no hot water. Really???? That means no shower, no washing dishes, no laudry.....uggggggg!!!!
Last night my sugars were over 500. This morning it was over 300. I'm going back to bed to watch tv. PLEASE SNOW GO AWAY!!!! I NEED SOME ENERGY AND HOT WATER!
Last night my sugars were over 500. This morning it was over 300. I'm going back to bed to watch tv. PLEASE SNOW GO AWAY!!!! I NEED SOME ENERGY AND HOT WATER!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Official Day 1 of this Journey
Ok....Well, it is the start of day 1. So far so good. Glucose levels are not starting out all that great. High 300's! But I'm optimistic! Activity for the day? Well, I think I am going to clean on the house and get stuff in order. Desperately needs it! Planning on staying in for the next couple of days because of the snow coming in. I'm sure I will be dealing with the boys tomorrow with no school. I will put them to work too!
I will give todays stats later on this evening probably. Still have to do that picture! Be back soon!
I will give todays stats later on this evening probably. Still have to do that picture! Be back soon!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Well....Beginnings I guess
Ok...so have decided to start a new diet. Not ready to say exactly what I am doing just yet. Want to wait and see if it will work. Or should I say, I will work! I am starting this with say all my stats....meaning all my "dr numbers". My hope is that, since I am putting it out there for EVERYONE to see, maybe I will actually do something about it. Trust me...they are not pretty. What is my goal? To lose anywhere from 80-120 pounds and look good in a wedding dress by November. Or at least better than I look now. I will add a "before" picture on here as soon as I can take one. Probably tonight. In the meantime, below are the important "stats".
ITEM CURRENT # SHOULD BE #
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WEIGHT 280 175
BLOOD PRESSURE 148/90 <130/80
A1C 12.4 <6.5
HDL UNKNOWN YET >50
LDL UNKNOWN YET <70
CHOLESTOROL UNKNOWN YET <200
TRIGLYCERYDES UNKNOWN YET <150
BMI 42.6 <25
WAIST 48.5"
HIPS 54"
THIGH 28"
CHEST 49"
NECK 44"
ARM 15"
INSULIN N 113 UNITS
INSULIN R 33 UNITS
Well, as you can see....not pretty. The "unknown yet" is because I just did that bloodwork yesterday. Will be a few days before I get those results. Feelings? Well, I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I have been overweight ALL my life. I'm almost 36 yrs old and have never known what it is like to really have someone look at me "lustfully". Not that I really want that now....I'm married, but just to know I can wear some of the things thinner people wear. I wont have to go to the "fat people section" anymore. Besides, have you looked at fat people clothes? They are not as cute as skinny clothes. I promise this, though. I will NEVER wear a bikini or a mini skirt or anything that shows my mid-driff. I am in my 30's and I am respectable. My husband and I are renewing our vows in November. I really want to look good in a wedding dress. I really want to not be so afraid of someone taking my picture. I want more energy. I want to feel good. I want a better sex life. I want to be less diabetic. Well, you know what I mean. I dont want to take so much insulin. Actually, no....I claim it! BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I WILL NOT BE DIABETIC WHEN I LOSE THE WEIGHT!!! I want a baby. I want a second chance at a better life for myself. I have a great family. It's not a matter of wanting another family. I want to LIVE!!!
ITEM CURRENT # SHOULD BE #
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WEIGHT 280 175
BLOOD PRESSURE 148/90 <130/80
A1C 12.4 <6.5
HDL UNKNOWN YET >50
LDL UNKNOWN YET <70
CHOLESTOROL UNKNOWN YET <200
TRIGLYCERYDES UNKNOWN YET <150
BMI 42.6 <25
WAIST 48.5"
HIPS 54"
THIGH 28"
CHEST 49"
NECK 44"
ARM 15"
INSULIN N 113 UNITS
INSULIN R 33 UNITS
Well, as you can see....not pretty. The "unknown yet" is because I just did that bloodwork yesterday. Will be a few days before I get those results. Feelings? Well, I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I have been overweight ALL my life. I'm almost 36 yrs old and have never known what it is like to really have someone look at me "lustfully". Not that I really want that now....I'm married, but just to know I can wear some of the things thinner people wear. I wont have to go to the "fat people section" anymore. Besides, have you looked at fat people clothes? They are not as cute as skinny clothes. I promise this, though. I will NEVER wear a bikini or a mini skirt or anything that shows my mid-driff. I am in my 30's and I am respectable. My husband and I are renewing our vows in November. I really want to look good in a wedding dress. I really want to not be so afraid of someone taking my picture. I want more energy. I want to feel good. I want a better sex life. I want to be less diabetic. Well, you know what I mean. I dont want to take so much insulin. Actually, no....I claim it! BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I WILL NOT BE DIABETIC WHEN I LOSE THE WEIGHT!!! I want a baby. I want a second chance at a better life for myself. I have a great family. It's not a matter of wanting another family. I want to LIVE!!!
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